one cigarette left

i feel like i'm connected to him by a bridge of memory, a tenuous and ever-present stream of fleeting images, thoughts, words, emotions, that remind us forcefully of each other... we don't speak to each other yet we ... do in a way. in our minds, by reliving conversations, taking joy in those recollections.
it's as though...we've transcended the physical?
and we've always been able to connect more with silence than with conversation, i suppose. our relationship is... felt out, not talked out. talking it out leads to disaster and misunderstanding, which causes tension, angry glances, deep resentment. and now that we're so far removed from each other, i feel more connected to him in my thoughts as though i'm maintaining a relationship with the memory of him, and not him... is this a step backwards?
i don't really know what i'd say to him if i saw him. i think i'd just want to hold him close to me and breath him, kiss him, and sigh... it's odd, being away but still feeling.