c'est assez pour maintenant.

e & i would never work.

i would love him & maybe he would love me. but, nonetheless, i'd give myself to him in a way i've never given myself to anyone, like a timidly and carefully wrapped gift. and he'd open me up & discover that i'm not the gift he expected, but he'd smile and nod and say thank you all the same, because he's kind like that, then that fragile falsehood of appreciation and those callously let down expectations would eat us apart.

which makes me a little sad. because i really think i could love him. i could love myself for him, even.

but its okay, because he still listens to me and puts up with my oddities when i need someone to simply accept and tolerate.

he's good at that.






he's just one of those guys i know whose presence in my life is heavy with possibility, and maybe desire too. because i can think of him when i'm happy and when i'm sad. because i want to know what he thinks of me and of the beach. because i want to be able to know, even only once, exactly how he kisses girls he really likes, and because i want to be able to matter enough to him to be able to see him years from now with a wide grin on my face.

because i want to dance and sleep and yell and scream in front of him, and have that be a natural thing.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that it would be nice for a guy like him to be familiar to me. i think familiarity with a guy like him would be a very peaceful, and beautiful thing.