go ahead

.





current listen: fix you-- coldplay
current read: atonement-- ian mcewan
current watch: across the universe











his hands were somewhat warm, lips full and ambiguous in the mess of dark shapes and small fears. i didn't hear any breathing but my own and i didn't feel anything but the formless weight of his body on mine. we were fully clothed. but it was dark, the day having indulged itself with the early rest allotted to it in the dregs of summer. he left the exposure only half justified, a good deal of it still bare and quite vulnerable, pathetically forced to fend for itself in the rustling of his sudden departure. i remained, sprawled on the bed, shirt half buttoned, for a long time afterwards, wanting to sleep but feeling too apologetic to do so, wondering at how brazen one could be, how unbelievably and idiotically selfish i had just allowed myself to be. this was how a gentle and dark subject of discussion was made, one to be avoided and spoken of in very circumspect tones. we had made with mild hands, in a room lacking light and heat, the spark of mistrust that would, with its virulence and veracity, teach us the depth of the word friendship.