the female sex is an incredibly brave thing.

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sooo maybe i should update more often.

i have a ton of art work to post. a TON. but it's way too much to scan and i can't find my digital camera right now, so.








tomorrow, i'm going to go see angela, and we'll talk in hyperactive voices that bark with short laughs and whisper in vulnerability all in the same conversation. i haven't really spoken to her at length in a while since she's been at victoria island and i never contacted her while she was there-- i didn't want to disturb her writing process. but her book is now finished and i think both of us have so much to say that tomorrow will be wonderfully cathartic and amusing.
for me, talking to her is a release. i've always been more comfortable conversing with those older than i am, but in all honesty, even to the adults that i'm really close with, i don't allow myself to be completely who i am since there's always that bridge of expectation and propriety that i have to maintain. i'm expected to maintain it. most adults converse with me with the preconception that i can. i can talk to them in a mature fashion and they won't feel as though they're speaking to an immature adolescent. and i love that, i really do. but at the same time i feel as though i can't allow myself to be weak or exhausted in front of them. not really. they always acknowledge that i think too much and sleep too little but they don't particularly understand why i push myself to be that way; they assume that i'm simply overachieving, never understanding the root of such self-taxation, that willingness to physically undermine your health and safety to achieve an intellectual goal, or that temerity that i tend to be far too attracted to.
but with angela i can remove the layers that i normally cling to for the benefit of others and their comfort in being in contact with me. she allows for the childish aspects for me to bubble up and peek through the precocious skin and she simultaneously takes in the rips and tears and blood and sweat and anger. and even more than that-- she allows for it and then goes on to say that it's beautiful.
you don't find that often, you know?
does anyone understand what i'm trying to say?
i think angela would.















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