no malice, she says.

i like the theme song to Mars. i don't understand it. but i like it. that's how it is with a lot of things in my life.

i went to Borders yesterday and got Notes on a Scandal because a) i hear that it's psychologically compelling and utterly delightful and b) i want to see the movie, but it's always nice to read the book first. i loved it-- read it in one sitting; it took me around 5 hours.
i also got the new issue of Look Look. amazing as always; there was some excellent poetry.
and of course, i did my monthly magazine check. there was a great editorial in Anthem called "for your eyes only" and the Kirsten Dunst shoot in Another Magazine was pretty good as well. Beautiful Decay was slightly disappointing, and the only thing good in Zinc was the music reviews, but then again, they always have good music reviews... oh! Esopus did an awesome feature on Alex Brown. it was amazing-o. really.
but before going to Borders i went out for breakfast with some friends, except i just had coffee-- i hadn't slept. i was tired.
and after Borders i went around walking in Chino before dinner. after that i watched When Harry Met Sally. Billy Crystal is one of my favorite movie characters of all time in that movie. so cynical, but really wonderful. why? because. argument one:

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
Harry: That's what drew her to me.
Sally: Your dark side?
Harry: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts.
Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

and argument two:
Harry: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.
Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry: When did I say that?
Sally: On the ride to New York.
Harry: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

and there are a billion other arguments. but i'm too lazy to write them all. so just go rent the movie; it's nice.

today i went to color-me-mine and painted a chopstick plate.
after that i went for chinese food. yum. no msg either, so that was cool beans.
then i came home and watched an episode of Mars and the Last Samurai. it's such a sad movie.

all in all. all in all. all in everything all of this. i've just been feeling pretty... stifled. but that's way down deep, underneath a surface of soft smiling and supposed calmness. you know how it is. yeah?




she wore a pair of his boxers
as shorts when they went
out for pancakes

at the diner in Ithaca

it was a summer morning
his hair was still messy
and his hands smelled like her

they kissed like real lovers
and had too much syrup
and they really cared

but she can't remember
his name-- it's been
six years.