"A stone had been dropped into the well, the well was my youthful soul."

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Der Vogel kämpft sich aus dem Ei. Das Ei ist die Welt. Wer geboren werden will, muss eine Welt zerstören. Der Vogel fliegt zu Gott. Der Gott heisst Abraxas.
The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas.

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.


--HERMAN HESSE, Demian



From my journal--a page from Demian and a metro ticket I found tucked into my battered copy of Blindness I bought used from Amazon.



Today I got up at 730 and went to Elite, where I was told that I looked scholarly today, perhaps because of my glasses, since I was wearing Gap skinnies and a bright green shirt-dress I tied into a tunic... which is also from Gap, now that I think of it... bought it for 10 bucks on sale while I was in junior high. It says "peace" all over it.
And I was wearing my leather jacket too. I don't know how Mr. Mann got "scholarly." I swear they keep the rooms freezing cold just to ensure that you'll stay awake...

After I walked over to Albertson's because I needed some superglue for my sculpture; I was in a rush and finally reached the cashier, only to have her ask me for my ID.
"I need to be 18 to buy.. superglue."
"Yeah. Sorry."
"You know you keep it next to the elementary school supplies, right above the Hannah Montana notebooks?"
It would be nice if it was placed somewhere that indicates that one needs to be a legal adult to purchase it.

Then went to Barnes&Nobles. Read Demian again and it hit me, as it does every time I read that book, why exactly it has been one of my favorites for years.

After coming home my family went over to my neighbors; my father drank too much beer and my mother looked as though she had an enormous migraine. I felt both pity for her and anger at my father, who was singing with the neighbors far too loudly. But then I also felt irritated with her-- she was the one who had insisted we come and say hello, and now she was irritable.
I met the neighbor's son who's a year older than me, but in the same grade.
I came home with my sisters. My parents are still over there, singing...





Thursday I went to R--'s, stole his shirt and drank 6 beers, spoke with M-- on the phone for roughly half an hour and smoked hooka and cigarettes. I saw K--; she seems to have changed a bit. And A-- and some guy named M--. They played beer pong and I closed my eyes and sort of snoozed in J--'s bed, which smelled like him. Then J-- came home and rushed into the room with that overtly energetic gait of his. He said hello and asked if I was enjoying the bed.
"Where did yesterday's shorts go?"
"They stayed with yesterday."










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