every little piece of you

.


What? I downloaded Beck's new album that's not supposed to be out until Tuesday? Huh?
Ahem...

Current Listen: Beck-- Modern Guilt





From my father stems my beliefs not only of men but of God. I paint images according to the sights I see in association with the man who helped conceive me. I am rendered weak in this respect.


"What you have to understand, is your father was your model for God. If you're male and you're Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out and dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?

"What you end up doing is you spend your life searching for your father and God.

"What you have to consider is the possibility that God doesn't like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that could happen."

--Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club


Therefore... how do I see God? My father is... human. Atheist. Very much a man, not only in his vices but also in his virtues, and he is half of me, but he does not believe in God.
I think it would be better if the universal opinion of the Lord designated him female. Then people would associate Christ with their mothers and not their fathers. I'm not saying that the latter is frequently unworthy of being so thought of, but rarely are men models of the all-loving, merciful deity of Christianity. Mothers are, of course, just as human and granted they make terrible mistakes and sin for the same reasons that men do. But all of us are children, and for children, the mother holds a significance that is different than that of a father. The universal opinion of mothers gives tendency towards Christian ideals. Mercy and forgiveness and love seem, emotionally, in the woman's domain. My mother is an avid Christian and I know she struggles tremendously because my father is not. I know my mother is the best representative in my life of what being a good Christian means; but still, because of that troublesome thing called gender, my association of Christ is with my father. But also, like I said, he's an atheist.
Where does that leave me?


.