happy endings are stories that haven't ended yet

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tomorrow's the last day for seniors.
and yesterday was my last performance with him. somehow prior to warming up in the midst of the banter, the subject of graduation came up. i faintly registered that i never wanted to see him again and said brusquely that i wasn't going to go to graduation. "thanks," he replied in that slightly sarcastic,, pseudo-indifferent way of his. and i looked at him straight in the eye for once and asked him "do you really think i'd go for you?" and he acknowledged that i wouldn't. then i asked him out of spite, "if our situations were switched, would you come for me?" it was meant to be rhetorical. "yes, actually." and at that i simply looked away and shook my head. lies. still his. but i don't blame him anymore. i really don't. but just because i don't blame him doesn't mean that he's not an absolute immature prick, right? i understand that what happened wasn't either of our faults, or it was both of our faults. i was barely breathing at home, about to move out, coming home late and doing crack and drinking before zero period. he had to deal with the death of his father. it was a really horrible time in both of our respective lives, and unfortunately they happened at the same time. that's the only tragic thing, really. because we were so centered on what was going on in our own lives we couldn't be there for each other as much as we expected each other to be. and that, probably, encouraged a loss of faith, and so on. all these thoughts rushed through my head again as i sat there. but i still didn't want to go to graduation.
after that i just looked at kevin and told him that i don't like his earrings, but later when he left to talk to jacob i said something about how he's gotten so much cuter over the last two years. i think i'll actually miss him. he makes me laugh.









the future becomes the present, the present becomes the past, and the past turns into to everlasting regret. and there's nothing we can do to stop it.