better education. please. i'm begging you.

.



There are things that you do during the day that squeeze at you're insides like a bitch. Like smoke way too many cigarettes. Or fuck the wrong person. Or realize that you're becoming more and more pessimistic and that you're slowly slipping back into old habits.
And you have no idea why.

.



Today I went to the bookstore with Rick. He is not a bookstore person. But he did actually purchase something-- Sartre's Nausea.
Impressive.
Sort of.


.










It is OVER!

AP French: I... mentioned Mick Jagger in my oral. That pretty much sums it up.
AP CalcII: I sat next to Dineth, thought about how handsome he is and then died during #6 on part B of the free response.
AP Physics B: ... After the test, it felt like I had literally TRANSFORMED INTO A PILE OF STEAMING SHIT AND I WAS JUST THERE, STINKING UP THE PLACE.
AP Art History: Wrote a lot about feminism. Pyah!



.







I feel like I am swaying in and out of everyone's life. And when you are doing the swaying, and everyone else is also moving, feet pattering like mice, where is your constant. It's not in my head, and therefore nonexistent?

And like I said before, once or twice, I can do all the loving; more than enough for two. That's not what I need, really. I just need someone to provide emotional bandages and kiss my hand and smell the lotion, not the cigarette smoke.














.