MAYBE MY GREATEST FEAR IS THAT I AM POWERFUL, BUT INADEQUATE

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I prevail. With the help of a voice or an ear at times, I prevail.








take me to the room where your brother was born;
we can watch the curtains sway and the walls drip
with rain and grime






Kaya Scodelario is my love. Mary and Lily--you guys watch Skins. You know how amazingly beautiful she is as Effy, particularly in the new series 3. I think I'm falling half in love. She's so gorgeous and ethereal in a way, yet intricately pathetic, too...





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what is it that your mother said.

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february is the month of starvation.
i can feel the wind on my face: this week it is cold, and last week it burned me as if i needed to confess. i still don't know what.





we will dance again, someday...

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pub based mayhem

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out with the old :/


in with the new :]






playlist:
halfway home--tv on the radio
nude--radiohead
radio cure--wilco
shove it--santogold




A: Class, settle down. This is Jane--she's a new student from California; everyone give a warm welcome. Now, Jane why don't you introduce yourself and tell the class your name, where you're from, and oh, I dunno--demonstrate a talent and say a few things about you that are interesting.
B: Right. Well you just said my name and where I'm from and I don't really fancy being repetitive. Any talents that I'm willing to expose require the removal of certain articles of clothing and are thus inappropriate for these circumstances. Unless, of course, you'd like me to try and demonstrate without removing any clothing, which could also be intriguing. Things that make me interesting include my vocabulary and my ability to make you hate me but want me all at once. I'm also bisexual.
A: ...Right. Thank you. Uh... well, I suppose you can sit down now; there's an empty seat behind Calvin.


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the sun will spread our

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I'm pretty excited for the inauguration. I want to go to Philadelphia.

day by numbers...
coffee cups: 3
cigs: 3
basketball games seen: 2
soccer games seen: 1
shirts worn: 5
bruises: 2




During the weekend it is, thankfully, easier for me to sleep. I wake up later, at least, after having gone to bed in the early morning... it's noon and I can hear the piano.. My mother is playing and singing softly: hymnals and other praise songs. The rising chord progressions wake me, shaking the sleep away with the movement of the songs. It's beautiful waking up like this, but I get up from bed with a heavy heart each time, unable to stay in bed because my thoughts are sinful, and my mother's music invades my mind. The blanket feels too warm, and I sit up in bed with a sigh; I recognize the song and contemplate singing along, but I never do. The sun is shining too harshly, and the sounds of a distant freeway rush through the window. I'm still tired.







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SHE'S BACK

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from the college application GRAVE, yo!

There will be nothing particularly serious in this post. Why? Because I haven't slept in god knows how long, I'm cranky, I'm cramped, and I can't bring myself to think properly. Even writing that sentence was an agonizing mental exercise.

I'm slowly burning out.

Hello again.
SO.

SHOPPING

I have gone on a shopping bonanza since I've been gone: Mary and Lily will both appreciate this, really. I've never spent so much money on clothes at once. Items include:

BCBG Max Azria 2 Piece Suit: Jacket& Pants
BCBG Max Azria gold jacquard skirt
BCBG Max Azria Runway satin creme blouse.

A roughly $1200 package I got for less than $400. Why? Because I am the sale scouting queen of the western hemisphere, that's why.

I will take pictures and post.

I also bought a shitload of stuff from Urban Outfitters; if my soulmate was a clothing store, UO would be it, I think...

Covet Organic French Terry Cardigan


BDG Oversized Funnel Neck Jacket


Kimchi Blue Chiffon Floral Print Blouse


Kimchi Blue Ruffle Peacoat


Silence & Noise Waterfall Top


Silence & Noise Ombre Fringe Halter Top


Cheap Monday Leather Caroline Skirt


Kimchi Blue Briefcase Bag


Now each one of these would ahve cost at least 70 dollars at most 200, but once again: sale scouting queen of the western hemisphere

...yeah. I almost feel dirty for having spent so much. But this is a once in a lifetime experience for me, so...


CHRISTMAS

I received:

iPod touch
Heima (Sigur Ros documentary)
A Cross the Universe (Justice documentary)
Part of the Weekend Never Dies (Soulwax documentary)
Tales of the Beedle and the Bard (JK Rowling)
Reddish faux leather fold-over shoulder purse




>

Gave to my mother: BCBG Max Azria wool coat, which I fortunately found for $150 marked down from $450

Gave to my father: Adidas golf footwear

Gave to my sister: 1 year membership to the Sierra Club

Gave to my baby sister: Crayola Mixables and Crayola Twistables

NEW YEARS

On new year's eve I went with Julienne to see MILK, then over to her house to celebrate with a handful of other people/countdown.
Then on new year's night I went out with friends to do something that I no longer have any recollection of.

OTHER SIGNIFICANT EVENTS

Mr. Gunderson gave me a beignet
I made 1st chair for All-Southern and also made All-State and am now practicing for those seating auditions
Finished college apps (FUCK)
Cut back severely on smoking. This will work, damnit.