the world and its eyes of pearl

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i wrote this in the summer before freshman year. almost two years ago:

i've noticed that my life.. my life, recently, tastes like
the taste in my mouth. it wasn't like that before.
i mean, even a year ago- last summer, that is-
it tasted like sweet iced tea and the chocolate someone
i forgot gave me for a pointless holiday or another.
now i have in my mouth and existence, the taste
of black coffee and my last cigarette-
makes my tongue feel like carpet and my throat feel like hot asphalt.
there's the taste of a scorching, sticky afternoon where nothing
can cool you down so long as you're outside.
there's the burn of liquor and the flinch-inducing,
rancid quality of an espresso doppio.
there's smog drifting in from Los Angeles.
it's the city of the sweetest angels.
laugh your ass off, though, 'cause you can taste the pollution, really.
there's a two-in-the-morning kiss that led to sex.
the taste of a boy and unbrushed teeth;
the taste of cheap beer and chapstick.
i can also taste the somewhat genetically modified apple that was,
at one point, a gorgeous, lush fruit, but now, as it leaves
my mouth, it's fallen into the preliminary stages of decay.
i rinsed out my mouth as much as i could.
created a thunderous storm of acidic mouthwash within my cheeks
so vigorously that i almost swallowed and gagged.
i don't understand why this won't leave my mouth.
i've been smoking and kissing,
drinking and downing black coffee.
i've been breathing and burning,
and it wasn't so horridly rancid. i told you that i tasted chocolate
just last summer. and now, this shit.
did it only catch up with me just now? did it accumulate?
or is it something entirely different?



going back and reading my earlier writing makes me shudder. i hate it.
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i'm feeling very fat today. i ate too much.
i don't think i'm sleeping tonight, though, so at least i'll burn it up, yeah ?



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