i want to want nothing.

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I am on hiatus until perhaps mid-January.



Going through some personal issues and also working through college apps. Channel me any strength or wisdom. I'll take it with as much grace as I am capable of bearing.




After the hiatus I will be back with full force, because I know no other form of force.






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michelle wie is surprisingly not articulate. but lily, on the other hand...

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stupidxstace (9:01:22 PM): *le sigh*
stupidxstace (9:01:25 PM): what i would love
stupidxstace (9:01:28 PM): is a justice remix
stupidxstace (9:01:29 PM): of mama mia
stupidxstace (9:01:33 PM): holy fucking shit cock






tee hee
HEE HEE
HA !







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my name is overwhelming to me

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tonight i go out and bless the air for being so cold.

i was thinking about music and god today as we were discussing the dan graham exhibit that's coming up for moca..
it's interesting how for some people, music is enough--the human mind is enough; emotions and beauty of life are enough and more to fill us and to motivate us into obsession, passion, pride... the doors, patti smith, sonic youth... you watch their live concert videos and both the musician and the crowd are completely pulled underneath a tide of very human, very honest and very raw energy.
but for others.. they spend the majority of their lives searching for more, yearning and following something that is greater than life (could anything ever be?) and praying fervently for something that lies outside of human understanding. this thing called faith and it's demands on the soul... i don't know.
i don't know which is greater; i don't know which constitutes a better life. i think these things change with age, and i think these things can coexist, although it's never easy to bear.







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i just sit and question for hours upon hours, and then i'm given morning; because that's just how the world works--it just give you a brand new day

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music: sigur ros--ara batur; makes me want to cry and laugh and run and shout and love everyone





sometimes i want to leave everything and go to europe, meet someone funny enough to room with and share nice wine with him.
sometimes i want to cry until the day shakes away from me.
sometimes i want to make foreign policy decisions and write treaties.
sometimes i just have to assume that the crevices in my brain haven't started cracking and bleeding.
sometimes i want to do nothing but lie in the comfortable, soft bed of my favorite boy all day, smoking with him and being soft-spoken.
sometimes i want to bang my head against the wall.
sometimes i want to be secretary general of the united nations.
sometimes i would rather be a hermit and isolate myself from everyone.
sometimes i want to spend entire days in parks and laugh and laugh and laugh.

all the time, i don't know.















you are the war to end all the wars inside me. the soldier runs, face scarred and mind ablaze with the thought of home. and in the distance a sun quakes. closer, the heart echoes. i feel the tremors stop, the voices halt, and your blood is on my hands again. the fight is still and quiet, giving us time to cry as we need, to sing as we must and to love in the only way we can.




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